How do a woman know when she’s ready for
love? Is it possible to let go of all the hurt, anger and rejection produced by
previous relationships and/or the absence of her father in her childhood and
allow herself to become completely vulnerable and open to be loved? It’s
possible! I don’t care what you’ve been led to believe, all men ARE NOT the
same. If you believe so, the problem is you. I’ve been hurt, lied to, cheated
on, and my father was in and out of my life until he died when I was only 13
years old. The theories that I created about men, love, and myself left me
lonely and confused but forced me to get to the root of the problem… ME!
No woman wants to admit that she has “Daddy
Issues,” but I did. If you’ve read my post on domestic violence you know that
my father was physically and verbally abusive to my mom, but never to me. He
was the father of six girls (by 5 women), with me being the youngest. If he wasn’t
with the mother, he didn’t see the kids. Still, when he was around he made me
feel like the only girl in the world. I don’t care what anyone thinks of him, I
love him to death! But you wouldn’t imagine the damage he created. I was raised
around domestic violence so as a result, I don’t pillow fight, play wrestle, or
any of that. I’m scared that if I’m pushed too hard or something, it won’t
register to me that we’re playing and I’m going to be fighting for my life! I wouldn’t
move in with a man, bring a guy around my family or allow a man to meet my
children for fear that what we had was only temporary. For some women it's the opposite, they hold on to men no matter how unstable the relationship is. These women usually believe it's their fault their father wasn't around. I could be wrong, but I believe the correct term for this is damaged!
My brother always told me “Be mindful of
how you act, that’s what you’ll attract,” I was damn near 30 before I
understood this. I had always been comfortable with men who “wasn’t ready”
because in my mind, he was leaving soon anyway. This mentality ran away a few
great men that I’ve had the pleasure of running across. I was forced with a
reality check when I met Trey. He made it his business to teach me how to let a
man love me. His love for me broke down walls that I didn’t even know existed.
When he was killed, I had to decide if I was going to go back to my old mentality
or move forward adopting a new outlook on love and relationships.
Women often underestimate their ability
to control their love lives. You get to decide right now, that no matter what
any other man has put you through (your father, baby daddy, or ex-husband) you
won’t allow it to hinder you or control how you love or affect another man’s
love for you. Somebody out there is waiting to meet you, to teach you all the
things you needed to learn from your father about a good man. When you date, ask
yourself,” would I want my daughter to date a guy like him” or “would I approve
of my son treating women the way he treat me?” Learn to let those walls down,
you might get hurt but guess what, you might not! I’m not suggesting you take a
chance on the very next guy who asks for your number… but hey, who knows!
Sincerely,
F.C Boujee
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