Are you single? Yeah, me too. Once again
it’s “cuffing season” and I'm looking forward to cold, lonely nights with a
glass of wine and Netflix. Confession: I can get a man… I just can’t keep him.
Don’t dare judge me, plenty of women have this issue but very few are willing
to admit it. For a relationship to work, you must have communication, honesty,
and outstanding sex (among other things) but for it to last, you have to be
vulnerable, in which, I won’t tolerate. Some call it bitter, scorned, or
damaged. I call it foolish!
Women today, we want to be successful and
independent and most men look for these qualities in us. However, every man
NEEDS to feel needed emotionally, mentally, physically, and I’m going to say
financially too (hold your horses, I'll revisit this). If he feels otherwise, he'll go where he is needed. See, it’s instilled in
guys at a young age to be protectors and providers so they can’t really
comprehend women not being able to allow them to do their job. Imagine going to
work knowing exactly what tasks you’re supposed to complete but your manager
keep saying, “It’s okay, I got it,” “Don't worry about it, I can do it,” “No, I
don’t need help with this.” Your initial thought is going to be, “Well, what am
I here for?” That feeling is equivalent to what men feel when we don’t let
those walls down and trust them completely.
Women are complicated creatures. Most of
us have a hard time communicating exactly what it is we want and/or need in a
relationship yet, we expect our partners to read our minds. We tend to think if
we show too much emotion, we’re weak. Nobody believes this more than me, then
again, I’m single. When we’re scared or hurting, we want to be held but we
won’t say it. I remember the day my brother was killed, the only person I
wanted was my boyfriend at the time. He asked, “Do you want me to come over?”
Of course, I said, “No, I’m alright.” Personally, I thought it was a dumb
question. Just as I expected him to know
I needed him, he needed to hear me say it. So I sat home bawling my eyes out
thinking he should’ve been there consoling me while he was wherever assuming I
wanted to be alone.
Mental stimulation in a partnership is
just as important as sexual stimulation, more so if you ask me. We want a
partner who understands us and is able to keep up on an intellectual level. Companions
should be able to teach one another things, willing to learn new things, and
grow as one mentally. In order for this to transpire, we must be willing to
communicate about any and everything. I believe wholeheartedly that if two
people are truly attracted to one another and interested, mental stimulation
won’t be problem. They would always thirst for more knowledge of the other,
challenge and push boundaries, similar to peeling never ending layers of an onion.
When we hear “physical” we automatically
think SEX! Of course, you need your man to make love to you but the term isn't limited to sexual intercourse. While everyone have different methods of
affection, we all want/need it to some degree. Sometimes we don’t want to be
touched, could be menopause or that time of the month, but if you’re pushing
your man hand away more than you’re accepting his touch, well let’s just say
you’re going to have some serious problems in your relationship.
Lastly, drum roll please, financially. By
no means am I saying the man is supposed to make the bacon and it’s the woman’s
role to fry it, every woman should have her own money. I’m saying don’t be so
busy proving you can provide for yourself that you’re turning down “tokens of
appreciation” so to speak. Let him buy you dinner or a necklace. If you need
gas money or a want a trip to the spa, tell him. He’ll be more than happy to
oblige because he needs to know that if you want or need something, you aren't afraid to ask him and you trust him as your provider. It doesn't make him a
trick or you a whore or gold digger. He’s a man that wants to contribute to his
woman’s happiness and you’re appreciative.
Despite all I've said, women are loving,
compassionate, and caring. We want to love and feel needed/wanted but we aren't willing to allow a man to assume we need him, no matter how bad we actually do.
Often times when a woman say “I don’t need anybody,” is when she needs someone
the most. Most women have faced the unimaginable (usually at the hands of a
male) and made it through alone making vulnerability a terrifying place to reconsider.
We spend months, sometimes years, building walls and the mere thought of being
hurt again is unimaginable. This sense of protection causes us more harm than
good. We push away extraordinary men that want to love us but can’t because we
don’t know how to be loved. Those barriers we've constructed prevents us from
becoming one with our soul mate. Fear has robbed us of “happily ever after” and
we’re waiting to be rescued by a superhero that goes by the name of Mr. Right equipped
with the power to read our mind and know exactly what we want and need at any
given moment. Quite silly to me.
Sincerely,
F.C. (The Single Friend)
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