Daddy Issues: Ready for Love

How do a woman know when she’s ready for love? Is it possible to let go of all the hurt, anger and rejection produced by previous relationships and/or the absence of her father in her childhood and allow herself to become completely vulnerable and open to be loved? It’s possible! I don’t care what you’ve been led to believe, all men ARE NOT the same. If you believe so, the problem is you. I’ve been hurt, lied to, cheated on, and my father was in and out of my life until he died when I was only 13 years old. The theories that I created about men, love, and myself left me lonely and confused but forced me to get to the root of the problem… ME!

When HE Has Trust Issues...

I've talked about women not knowing how to let a man love them, but I've noticed a lot of men don't know how to be loved as well. It's so hard trying to be with a man that has been through a lot and been hurt so many times that he thinks everybody is out to get him. It doesn't matter what you do to show him that you're different, he won't let you in. You start to become frustrated wondering if it's something you've done or said. Maybe even consider leaving because you feel like a stranger in your own home. Like most women, men have trust issues and barriers built in attempt to refrain from being hurt. I think it's 10 times worst for men because they've adopted this hardcore mentality so they think they aren't supposed to show emotions.

A Threesome?... No Thank You!

During a conversation with an old friend, threesomes came up. Yes, like Ménage à 3! I’ve never had a threesome and he said he’s had a couple, I was flabbergasted. Let’s be honest, at some point in our lives, we’re all curious. Now, I know I couldn’t go through with something like this for several reasons… but the questions wouldn’t stop coming and when the conversation was over, I thought of more questions I wanted to ask. Whose idea was it? Were you in a relationship with any of them? Do you need multiple women to satisfy you sexually? I had questions galore! I mean, I’m a writer… yes, I’m nosey!

Reality TV... The New Poison

I think the first reality television show I watched was Laguna Beach then The Hills. Lauren Conrad was like Barbie to me, it seemed as if she had everything. Even back then, I wondered just how REAL these shows were because to a kid from the projects, their lives were perfect. I mean, they whined and cried because their dad took the keys to their Range Rovers while we worried about eating dinner or having clean clothes for school! I used to think “put us on MTV, we can show them ‘REALITY’!” Today, the only shows on nearly every television network at primetime is some reality series. My question is how does this affect us individually and as a community?

Missing Trey

When I met Trey, I was involved. The guy I was dating had me on an emotional roller coaster. When it was good, it was great but when it was bad, it was ugly. There were days I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Foolishly in love, I had settled for whatever it was this man and I had. After standing by silently and allowing me to cry on his shoulder for months, Trey said, “Why do you keep letting him put you through that? Give me a chance to show you how you deserve to be treated?” The following week we went on a date and became practically inseparable. Slowly, this other guy was becoming a distant memory. Trey was like a knight in shining armor, rescuing me from myself. He treated me with the utmost respect and taught me how to treat a man. Everything was fresh and fun. We had petty arguments like all couples but nothing felt forced, it just flowed.

She's So Petty

Some women can be obnoxiously outspoken and overly opinionated. I’ll take a moment to apologize now because some of you may get offended, if you’re one of these women, you’re childish. Who has time to point out every negative detail in someone’s Instagram post or deliberately embarrass another person by airing their personal business to their many followers? There’s a saying that says: “What Sally says about Suzie, says more about Sally,” This couldn’t be any truer. Cattiness is a female trait but this new generation of women are PETTY... It's ridiculous!

Because of You (poem)

It’s because of you I am woman, you’re the reason I’m unafraid.

I now take chances fearlessly, for you’ve taught me to be brave

Your love, it fuels my confidence and kills all insecurities,

The Art of Submission

Don’t get too excited, there won’t be any whips and chains in this post! What is Submission exactly? Somewhere along the way, we have all created our personal definition for the term so I’ll give my opinion. Submission isn’t summed up to a woman being at a man’s beck and call. It comes as a result of love, trust, and a desire to please. For the longest time, I didn’t believe in love so the thought of submitting myself to a man was ludicrous. When I finally did fall in love, there was a sense of vulnerability which allowed me to submit myself to him willing.

Help Him Help You

I’ve noticed men are habitually criticized for laziness, being deadbeats, unfaithfulness, etc. It’s not so often we see women praising the men that are working two jobs so she can go to school, enlisted in the Army to give her and their children a better life, or has given her $50,000 to start the business of her choice. About 75% of women would say these men don’t exist, I beg to differ. I’d say they are far and few in between, but they aren’t extinct.

First and foremost, if you’re in a relationship or still sleeping with this man you’re claiming is the scum of the Earth, save it, your slander is null and void. This means you aren’t aware

Domestic Violence Awareness

Domestic violence, whether physical or verbal, is agonizing. The amount of damaged inflicted on the victim is indescribable, often times, incurable. While there’s many reasons abusers manipulate their partner through domestic violence, none of them makes it acceptable. You don’t deserve to be violated and disrespected, he’s insecure, battling his own demons, and taking it out on you. It has nothing to do with how well the meat was for dinner or the fact that you got home a little late to finish something at work. The only way to ensure it never happens again is to leave.

Why women chose to stay? There’s no theory to this questions and leaving isn’t as simple as it may sound. Some women stay out of fear of being alone, being killed or hope that he’ll

Return of the Ex

We all hesitate a bit when an ex send random “I miss you” text messages. For some it’s easy to brush off with a simple “oh” (which is my favorite comeback), then for some, it’s not as simple. Every now and then we actually miss them back or perhaps we’re still single and a little lonely. Your response to that text will tell him or her if there’s chance of sliding back into your good graces or if they should just leave well enough alone. Depending on the reason behind the break-up, we contemplate an invitation to catch up for old time sakes, even if deep down we know eventually we’re going to regret it later.

The Wife Vs. The Other Woman

The Wife

It’s 2 a.m. and the opposite side of your bed is vacant and cold. You've sent the “where are you” and “what time will you be home” text messages hours ago and still haven't gotten a reply. Your phone calls are being answered by a voicemail and you've left so many messages that the box has reached its maximum capacity. Nerves have your stomach hurting so bad you don’t know if your dinner is going to come up or out. You want to believe that your husband, boyfriend or significant other is out with his friends, locked up or possibly in a car accident because you're too naïve to bear the truth.

You're angry, but with whom? Him for not cherishing what the two of you have enough to remain faithful and come home at a decent hour? Are you pissed with her because even

All The Single Ladies...

Are you single? Yeah, me too. Once again it’s “cuffing season” and I'm looking forward to cold, lonely nights with a glass of wine and Netflix. Confession: I can get a man… I just can’t keep him. Don’t dare judge me, plenty of women have this issue but very few are willing to admit it. For a relationship to work, you must have communication, honesty, and outstanding sex (among other things) but for it to last, you have to be vulnerable, in which, I won’t tolerate. Some call it bitter, scorned, or damaged. I call it foolish!

Struggle Breeds Stength

As a child, I never thought about what occupation I wanted to pursue until I wrote my first story called The Magic Unicorn in fifth grade. Ms. Davenport told me my vivid imagination would make me rich. Growing up, we imagine so much for our lives, not anticipating all the roadblocks and delays we’ll come across. As we get older, we notice that this thing call life is anything but easy and there’s absolutely no way to prepare for all of the storms that’ll come our way. However, I've learned that no matter how bad things get, nothing and no one is going to stop and wait for you to catch up.

Picking Up the Pieces

Often, yet unintentionally, we place our lives into the hands of others. This is true in relationships, jobs, and other areas of our lives. We don't realize how content we are with something until it's snatched from our grasps. I'm usually a very private person. I've decided to share this journey I've found myself on because there's plenty of women, well people in general, facing some of the same obstacles I'm facing.

Why I Write....

I originally started blogging to have an outlet from all the chaos in my personal life. Things started to get so crazy that I started to lose my drive and couldn't get motivated to write. BoujeeonaBudget is (well WAS) a fashion blog. I had gotten to the point where I didn't even care to get dressed much less take pictures. So busy tending to everyone else and doing favors, I felt forced to put my dreams on the back burner. Something had to change... and FAST! there's so many people in the world today that are miserable, unhappy and just mean because they are angry with themselves for not going after their dreams. I won't be one of them!

Nothing is as it Seems

This smile hides a thousand fears.
These eyes shield a million tears. 
My heart knows unspeakable pain.
Somehow I've learned to dance in the rain...